We loved our drive to school each morning. It gave us time to chat about the upcoming day’s events. But in 4th grade our morning routine changed. My daughter became anxious and teary eyed on the way to school. She frequently had stomachaches. Some days she complained about being overwhelmed in writing class. Many times she refused to go to school. This was unusual. She was a bright, hardworking, creative and enthusiastic student. But unknown to me and her teachers, she was struggling to keep up. Over time I started to recognize the root of the problem:dyslexia.As parents, it’s overwhelming when we begin to realize that our child has a learning disability (LD). We find ourselves in an unexpected world with a steep learning curve, dealing with our own feelings about the diagnosis while ensuring our child gets appropriate services through new means such as IEP or 504 plans. When we began this journey, I tried to keep central the goal of restoring emotional well-being and self-esteem regardless of how well she learned to read, write or spell.But I was unsure of how to talk my daughter about her LD. Her self-esteem was already low and her anxiety high. For many, encouraging a child to talk openly about their LD is thought to be the first step in teaching them how to advocate for themselves. But I found limited information on how to begin talking about LD. How do you break the news to your child? By trial and error, here is my personal sketch of what worked for our family.

Begin by talking about specific challenges or behavior.

Calling the disability by its true name is important for complete understanding and helps children learn how to advocate, but is not necessary at first. Begin by talking about your child’s specific challenges or behavior — not the disability’s name.

Gradually have ongoing, age-appropriate conversations.

Choose words and concepts that your child understands. Keep in mind that this is a long road and the goal is to have many ongoing, age appropriate conversations.

Talk about learning differences.

Introduce the concept of learning differences, before talking about your child’s LD. The goal is to speak about challenges comfortably, normalizing the concept of differences. Kids benefit from a clear understanding that we all have strengths and weaknesses. Without our differences the world would be a very boring place.

Increasingly share in-depth information and terminology.

As time passes, begin sharing in-depth information and accurate terminology for your child’s struggles, increasing the level of detail over time. I started to introduce basic ideas on how the dyslexic brain works to my daughter. To take the focus away from my child, I talked about myself. “I read slowly because I need more time for the pathways to reach the reading areas of my brain. But I can do it!” Eventually, with the help of books and online sources, we discussed the unique attributes of the dyslexic brain and how it processes written language. You know best how much and how quickly to share. The goal is to have balanced discussions that help your child understand their LD, as well as their abilities.

Move little by little, one day at time.

Talk about their LD gradually — little by little, one day, one week, at a time. Do more listening than talking and answer tough questions as they surface. Drop the conversation for a while, leaving time for reflection. Then try talking again. Self-awareness comes in waves. Allow conversations to come up where ever they rise, pausing if interest fades. Our best talks were whiletraveling in the car!

Find connections with people who have LD.

In your conversations, bring focus to other people, like family members or famous people who struggle with LD. I talked about my difficulty with spelling, how it makes me feel and how I deal with it. I revealed that other people in our family have dyslexia like us, including grandparents and cousins. Share information about others so they may not feel alone. It doesn’t matter whom you talk about, as long as it’s someone with whom your child has a connection. Kids can even connect with characters in their favorite books—check out NCLD’s book list for some great books for kids with LD.

Eye to Eye has a wonderful mentoring program that pairs kids with college or high school students who have similar LDs. Through mentorship, this organization strives to build self-esteem and encourage the skills necessary to be a self-advocate. Check out the FAQ section on their website for information on how to find a mentor for your child.

Always talk about their strengths.

Our kids have amazing abilities. Enroll them in activities that foster their natural talents. Remember to celebrate and talk with them about their gifts and accomplishments. Let them have the time each day to shine! This will help your child define themselves by their ability, not by their disability.

Discover online resources.

Every child is so different, and there is no one correct way to talk about LD. For other online tips, check out these articles:

• Talk to Your Child About His Disability (PBS)
• Talking to Children About LD (LD Online)
• Talking with Your Elementary School Child About Learning Difficulties (Great Schools)
• Tips for Talking About a Reading Disability (Learning Ally)
• Talk With Your Child About Dyslexia (Yale Center for Dyslexia and Creativity)

 

NCLD’s Your Child’s Social & Emotional Skills section is another great resource for parents.

Talking with your child about their LD can be eye-opening. One day, before our family comfortably used the term ourselves, a friend inadvertently spoke to my daughter about her dyslexia. Later, I asked how it felt. She said “Oh mom, I know I have dyslexia. It just means reading and spelling are harder for me, but I don’t mind. Besides, I am good at the fun stuff!”

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Diana Sticker is a former research professional with a Master of Public Health from Johns Hopkins University. She and her daughter have dyslexia. Diana is a Board Member of The Shadow Project, a nonprofit that partners with special education teachers to close the achievement gap for children with learning challenges. Also, she a founding member of Decoding Dyslexia Oregon, a grassroots parent movement that strives to bring dyslexia awareness to public schools.